La La La~

What A Life~

Dear Mr. No One, tonite, I cry again realizing that my problem just get  bigger..How I wish I could run far far away from here….But, God, you just don’t give me enough money to run away..I’ve been thinking for sometime now, maybe I should quit studying..But, a friend told me that it won’t solve my problem either..I just don’t wanna live like this anymore..I’m very tired & I feel like my life is very frustrating..Everyday I live my life being someone capable of doing everything just to make sure that the people I cherish won’t live a difficult life..But, they don’t do the same for me..That’s life I guess..The people you cherish won’t even try to do the same for you..They will just add problems and what’s worse, they don’t feel guilty and instead of finding ways to settle those problems, they just let you solve it on your own..When you’re hoping for life to get better, they just give you bullshit..God, I’m crying my eyes out..But now, I do feel a bit relieve..Really am grateful to still have friend who cares and share this pain with me although maybe it was just me who feel that way..Maybe that’s why God create friends..They’ll be there for you..I really hope that tomorrow will be a better day..Rainbow, where are you?Please color my day..Off to bed now..Goodnight world~

S.A.D~

My mother & I r just back from my grandparents house having dinner together with them..I miss my grandparents although yesterday I went to their house too..Maybe because the feeling isn’t the same anymore..My grandma is sick & she don’t wanna go to see the doctor..She said the pain won’t go away..Ouch~ It hits me..God, as I pray, don’t make me cry in front of my grandma..I wanna look happy and I want things to look normal..But the harder I try to make things look normal, it hurts even more..My grandpa is also getting weaker..suddenly, old memories flash back..I remembered the time when we went fishing together..those moments are priceless..damn I am so weak..can’t control my sadness..Rachel! (i said to myself), put your smile back..and so i struggle against my sadness just to look happy in front of the people i love..i can’t continue~

My 2012 resolution~

I have lots and lots of things in mind when people ask me about “hey, what’s your resolution for this new year?”..But i can’t answer them..I just smile and up until today I still wonder what do I really hope to achieve this year? Back then, my resolution was to become a thin and pretty girls like other girls outside there and that was the thing that I have not achieve..I often brought forward my resolution to become thin and pretty because I started to have that resolution since I was 14..haha..Funny thing..I still have that in mind cz I don’t wanna grow fatter than what I am today..But it feels like “argh, I should just give up on this”..Now I started thinking to make a new resolution which is achievable..I’ve been thinking and my resolution are:

to become a better person with a better attitude

to break all the walls that have been stopping me from achieving my dreams

to always do my best in everything I do especially in my study (don’t wanna make my parents dissapointed in me though)

& literally to stop growing fatter..

hahahaha..yes, those r my resolution :)